after thoughts
my after thoughts of the new script directive are that the kid has a hero, a great fisherman who is famous for catching great sea monsters.
the kid is attacked by the eel but it is introduced that the eel has a baby, shes a mummy, the kid has a realisation that if he were to produce the pictures he had then the the eel and its child would be hunted and killed. the change of heart tells the coming of age story and also an independence story. i like the way its going but will push ideas before scripting.
dave bull and Mr mike
i presented the idea for script 03 to dave bull, a rather mixed script as i had more ideas whilst pitching. the idea was liked and enjoyed but the same elements arose, the script lacked an ending and the idea of pain was a definite no.
he suggested many go around's and also elements to provide greater character depth.
such as an introduction of the kid stealing the submarine from his father to help his fathers sight seeing business, the kid goes to locate the mythical eel.
i personally believe this would extend the film way beyond a workable time scale.
there is also the ending suggestions
- the boy gets his picture becomes rich and famous
- the boy doesn't get the picture- boring
- the boy gets the picture but then decides not to keep it.
i liked the idea of the final ending and will push this idea, the eel is not the beast it is claimed to be.
the element of the harpoon gun should be used as a symbol and not as a weapon...
after speaking to mike he too really enjoyed the idea of the eel not being the monster its claimed to be and that by the kid not keeping the photos he would save the beast.
but mike suggested the introduction of another antagonist character to attack the eel and for the kid to somehow save the eel- i believe this is impractical as it introduces a new character to the story.
over all great feedback that is all taken on board and will help to make my film great.
script 03
my personal thoughts on script 03
i believe this is a step forward from the original script but i fear that i have wasted time in the writing of it. i jumped in to the writing too early and after reading it feel it has no meaning and lacks an engaging ending.
the new use of the camera as an element to "capture" the eel i feel is a definite step in the right direction. i like the pull of the penguin to cause the kid to get in to the water. i feel that the suspense part is nice but causes the duration of the film to extend. the ending results in pain and blood shed, albeit not death but this is undesirable.
script draft 03
1.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
Slow track from left to right in the interior of the submarine showing the sofa, table with a camera on top and mounted swordfish. Shot ends with a butchers knife and table in the foreground plus a headless fish, a bucket is on the floor next to it with fish in a similar state.
The light is dim but with a warm glow- homely and inviting.
2.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
Small push into the kid's bed. We see the back of our hero's head and the blanket slowly raising up and down with the motions of his breathing. His boots are on the floor slightly
askew. A puddle on the floor reflects the glow from the over head fairy lights. A large
iron door can be seen to the side of the frame. Above the kids head is a notice board with a series of photographs pinned up.
3.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
Camera track from left to right across the photographs.
The photos simulate the kids path through life as a young fisherman.
1.He has caught his first fish with his dad, a small fish with a small child.
2.The submarine is up on stilts in a warehouse the proud father has just finished building it.
3.The kid sitting on top of the submarine with a fishing rod out in the ocean.
4.The Kid a little bit older now has caught himself a swordfish, he is just able to hold
it. big smile.
5.The last picture is a newspaper clipping of a mythical eel that lurks in the cold north waters. The article discusses whether or not its real and a smoky picture of a shadow in the water is shown next to the text.
A progression can be seen by the audience and the swordfish in the photo links to that of the one in his living room.
Sound effect of the sonar and warning light cut into the scene. Back to reality.
4.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
shot follows from previous
the kid sits bolt upright in bed yawns then rushes out of shot and upstairs.
5.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
Kid rushes to the front portholes and looks out, leaning over the control desk. He cant see anything but the sonar still pings.
6.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
Kid runs along the sofa to look out of the back window but again all he can see is the blue water.
He is about to turn away when a penguin pops up in front of the porthole looking rather relieved but slightly frantic.
The kid smiles and relaxes slightly. He decides this would be a good opportunity to photograph our new acquaintance.
7.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
kid picks his camera up from the table and proceeds down the ladder and out of shot.
Fade to black
title “The Deep”
8.EXT. Submarine
Long shot-
The Kid swims a small distance under the sub to where a small glowing lure hangs from the sub. The green glow casts an eerie feeling.
9.EXT. Submarine
Mid shot-
The Penguin appears near the kid looking rather worried the kid smiles and raises his camera.
10.EXT. Submarine
Close up-
Camera raised to his face the kid is about to take a photo when a low rumble can be heard, it reverberates through the water causing the camera to shake. The kid quickly lowers his camera. Happiness fades to fear.
11.EXT. Submarine
Mid shot-
The penguin swims closer to the kid and both look around for the source of the sound.
12.EXT. Submarine
POV of Kid-
The Camera darts from left to right then back again no sign of anything.
13.EXT. Ocean
POV of Eel-
The camera is focussed on the characters who are trying to locate the Eel.
The movement is smooth almost steady cam but definitely animalistic.
Camera movement from right to left.
14.EXT. Submarine
Close up of penguin-
The penguin looks fearful but then looks to the kid for safety.
When the penguin turns to the kid the audience can see the glow from the Eel in the back ground.
15.EXT. Ocean
POV of Eel-
The Eel has moved around to the rear of the characters, the Eel is directly behind them.
16.EXT. Submarine
Mid Shot – wide angle lens
The Two characters are centre stage surrounded by the glow of the Eels body that's all the audience can see.
17.EXT. Submarine
Mid Shot- slow push in
The Two characters are now back to back we can see the characters from the waist up to head, camera slowly pushes forward. The kid and penguin are worried and act in jerky movements.
The Eel bursts out from behind them the kid and penguin part just in time, although the kid manages to drop his camera in the process but as he does a picture is taken and a small flash emits. The camera sinks.
18.EXT. Submarine
Mid/Long shot-
The Kid and Penguin regroup more frantic now, penguin has got the jitters. And has developed a need to ball his fins in tight.
The Kid looks up towards the submarine.
19.EXT. Submarine
POV of Kid-
We see a Harpoon Gun on the side of the submarine, focal shift.
20.EXT. Submarine
Long Shot-
The Kid swims up towards the submarine and removes the harpoon gun from its hooks.
As he does so there is a roar and the Submarine is rammed by the Eel.
21.EXT. Submarine
Low angle Dutch shot-
The Kid and the is knocked by the submarine and drops the harpoon gun.
The Harpoon gun falls past the camera as the kid is knocked out of frame. The Submarine rolls slightly and recovers its balance.
22.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot slightly angled down-
The penguin looks on, scared,
23.EXT. Ocean
POV of penguin-
focus shift on to the falling harpoon gun.
24.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot at character height-
The penguin goes from scared to focussed and bolts after the harpoon gun, out of frame.
25.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot-
The Kid gathers himself and looks around he is now away from his submarine and cannot see the penguin, light is much darker as he has cascaded deeper.
26.INT. Helmet
Extreme Close up-
Inside the Kids helmet, profile, we can see the kid serious yet fearful.
(possibly rotate head to look past camera as well)
27.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot-
The Kid realises he has a flare he pats his belt, locates it after two attempts and pulls it up.
28.EXT. Ocean
Long wide shot-
The Kid raises the flare as he lights it. Red jets of bubbles and light emit.
The Eel is darting straight at the kid and again he only just has enough time to move out of the way.
29.EXT. Ocean
stationary shot-
The Eel disappears out of frame from left to right slightly diagonal on the Z-axis.
30.EXT. Ocean
Mid/ Long shot-
The Kid looks flustered again treading water to keep his balance in the water, the penguin enters from the bottom left of the frame holding the harpoon gun in his mouth.
The kid smiles elated to see the penguin, not to mention the harpoon gun.
He takes the gun whilst the Penguin takes the Flare.
31.EXT. Ocean
Mid/ Long shot-
Prepared the two scan the water, both characters are determined but nervous. The Eel is spotted moving towards the characters the glow of the flare displays the Eel's shape.
32.EXT. Ocean
Close shot-
The Kid raises the Harpoon gun ready for the Eel, Determined and focussed.
33.EXT. Ocean
Low Angle shot- camera placed between the kid and penguin
From behind the characters we can see the Eel approaching fast.
The Eel is almost upon our characters.
34.EXT. Ocean
Extreme close up-
Finger squeezes the trigger and the harpoon is away.
35.EXT. Ocean
Mid/Long shot-
The Eel is travelling from right to left of the frame pretty much filling up the screen. With absent space on the left.
The Harpoon strikes the Eel in the face, the Eel wails.
36.EXT. Ocean
Long Shot-
The Force of the Harpoon causes the Eel to corkscrew in pain up and over our characters and then down into the Deep.
37.EXT. Ocean
Mid shot-
Our Characters breathe a sigh of relief and relax slightly the kid places one hand on the shoulder of the penguin and they both proceed to swim out of frame.
Fade to black
Fade in with a Newspaper cutting on the wall showing the kid and penguin back on the mainland with the battered submarine and a the picture that the camera took when it was dropped.
after thoughts
my after thoughts of the new script directive are that the kid has a hero, a great fisherman who is famous for catching great sea monsters.
the kid is attacked by the eel but it is introduced that the eel has a baby, shes a mummy, the kid has a realisation that if he were to produce the pictures he had then the the eel and its child would be hunted and killed. the change of heart tells the coming of age story and also an independence story. i like the way its going but will push ideas before scripting.
dave bull and Mr mike
i presented the idea for script 03 to dave bull, a rather mixed script as i had more ideas whilst pitching. the idea was liked and enjoyed but the same elements arose, the script lacked an ending and the idea of pain was a definite no.
he suggested many go around's and also elements to provide greater character depth.
such as an introduction of the kid stealing the submarine from his father to help his fathers sight seeing business, the kid goes to locate the mythical eel.
i personally believe this would extend the film way beyond a workable time scale.
there is also the ending suggestions
- the boy gets his picture becomes rich and famous
- the boy doesn't get the picture- boring
- the boy gets the picture but then decides not to keep it.
i liked the idea of the final ending and will push this idea, the eel is not the beast it is claimed to be.
the element of the harpoon gun should be used as a symbol and not as a weapon...
after speaking to mike he too really enjoyed the idea of the eel not being the monster its claimed to be and that by the kid not keeping the photos he would save the beast.
but mike suggested the introduction of another antagonist character to attack the eel and for the kid to somehow save the eel- i believe this is impractical as it introduces a new character to the story.
over all great feedback that is all taken on board and will help to make my film great.
after thoughts
my after thoughts of the new script directive are that the kid has a hero, a great fisherman who is famous for catching great sea monsters.
the kid is attacked by the eel but it is introduced that the eel has a baby, shes a mummy, the kid has a realisation that if he were to produce the pictures he had then the the eel and its child would be hunted and killed. the change of heart tells the coming of age story and also an independence story. i like the way its going but will push ideas before scripting.
the kid is attacked by the eel but it is introduced that the eel has a baby, shes a mummy, the kid has a realisation that if he were to produce the pictures he had then the the eel and its child would be hunted and killed. the change of heart tells the coming of age story and also an independence story. i like the way its going but will push ideas before scripting.
he suggested many go around's and also elements to provide greater character depth.
such as an introduction of the kid stealing the submarine from his father to help his fathers sight seeing business, the kid goes to locate the mythical eel.
i personally believe this would extend the film way beyond a workable time scale.
there is also the ending suggestions
- the boy gets his picture becomes rich and famous
- the boy doesn't get the picture- boring
- the boy gets the picture but then decides not to keep it.
i liked the idea of the final ending and will push this idea, the eel is not the beast it is claimed to be.
the element of the harpoon gun should be used as a symbol and not as a weapon...
after speaking to mike he too really enjoyed the idea of the eel not being the monster its claimed to be and that by the kid not keeping the photos he would save the beast.
but mike suggested the introduction of another antagonist character to attack the eel and for the kid to somehow save the eel- i believe this is impractical as it introduces a new character to the story.
over all great feedback that is all taken on board and will help to make my film great.
script 03
my personal thoughts on script 03
i believe this is a step forward from the original script but i fear that i have wasted time in the writing of it. i jumped in to the writing too early and after reading it feel it has no meaning and lacks an engaging ending.
the new use of the camera as an element to "capture" the eel i feel is a definite step in the right direction. i like the pull of the penguin to cause the kid to get in to the water. i feel that the suspense part is nice but causes the duration of the film to extend. the ending results in pain and blood shed, albeit not death but this is undesirable.
i believe this is a step forward from the original script but i fear that i have wasted time in the writing of it. i jumped in to the writing too early and after reading it feel it has no meaning and lacks an engaging ending.
the new use of the camera as an element to "capture" the eel i feel is a definite step in the right direction. i like the pull of the penguin to cause the kid to get in to the water. i feel that the suspense part is nice but causes the duration of the film to extend. the ending results in pain and blood shed, albeit not death but this is undesirable.
Slow track from left to right in the interior of the submarine showing the sofa, table with a camera on top and mounted swordfish. Shot ends with a butchers knife and table in the foreground plus a headless fish, a bucket is on the floor next to it with fish in a similar state.
The light is dim but with a warm glow- homely and inviting.
2.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
Small push into the kid's bed. We see the back of our hero's head and the blanket slowly raising up and down with the motions of his breathing. His boots are on the floor slightly
askew. A puddle on the floor reflects the glow from the over head fairy lights. A large
iron door can be seen to the side of the frame. Above the kids head is a notice board with a series of photographs pinned up.
3.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
Camera track from left to right across the photographs.
The photos simulate the kids path through life as a young fisherman.
1.He has caught his first fish with his dad, a small fish with a small child.
2.The submarine is up on stilts in a warehouse the proud father has just finished building it.
3.The kid sitting on top of the submarine with a fishing rod out in the ocean.
4.The Kid a little bit older now has caught himself a swordfish, he is just able to hold
it. big smile.
5.The last picture is a newspaper clipping of a mythical eel that lurks in the cold north waters. The article discusses whether or not its real and a smoky picture of a shadow in the water is shown next to the text.
A progression can be seen by the audience and the swordfish in the photo links to that of the one in his living room.
Sound effect of the sonar and warning light cut into the scene. Back to reality.
4.INT. Submarine – Lower deck
shot follows from previous
the kid sits bolt upright in bed yawns then rushes out of shot and upstairs.
5.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
Kid rushes to the front portholes and looks out, leaning over the control desk. He cant see anything but the sonar still pings.
6.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
Kid runs along the sofa to look out of the back window but again all he can see is the blue water.
He is about to turn away when a penguin pops up in front of the porthole looking rather relieved but slightly frantic.
The kid smiles and relaxes slightly. He decides this would be a good opportunity to photograph our new acquaintance.
7.INT. Submarine – Upper deck
kid picks his camera up from the table and proceeds down the ladder and out of shot.
Fade to black
title “The Deep”
8.EXT. Submarine
Long shot-
The Kid swims a small distance under the sub to where a small glowing lure hangs from the sub. The green glow casts an eerie feeling.
9.EXT. Submarine
Mid shot-
The Penguin appears near the kid looking rather worried the kid smiles and raises his camera.
10.EXT. Submarine
Close up-
Camera raised to his face the kid is about to take a photo when a low rumble can be heard, it reverberates through the water causing the camera to shake. The kid quickly lowers his camera. Happiness fades to fear.
11.EXT. Submarine
Mid shot-
The penguin swims closer to the kid and both look around for the source of the sound.
12.EXT. Submarine
POV of Kid-
The Camera darts from left to right then back again no sign of anything.
13.EXT. Ocean
POV of Eel-
The camera is focussed on the characters who are trying to locate the Eel.
The movement is smooth almost steady cam but definitely animalistic.
Camera movement from right to left.
14.EXT. Submarine
Close up of penguin-
The penguin looks fearful but then looks to the kid for safety.
When the penguin turns to the kid the audience can see the glow from the Eel in the back ground.
15.EXT. Ocean
POV of Eel-
The Eel has moved around to the rear of the characters, the Eel is directly behind them.
16.EXT. Submarine
Mid Shot – wide angle lens
The Two characters are centre stage surrounded by the glow of the Eels body that's all the audience can see.
17.EXT. Submarine
Mid Shot- slow push in
The Two characters are now back to back we can see the characters from the waist up to head, camera slowly pushes forward. The kid and penguin are worried and act in jerky movements.
The Eel bursts out from behind them the kid and penguin part just in time, although the kid manages to drop his camera in the process but as he does a picture is taken and a small flash emits. The camera sinks.
18.EXT. Submarine
Mid/Long shot-
The Kid and Penguin regroup more frantic now, penguin has got the jitters. And has developed a need to ball his fins in tight.
The Kid looks up towards the submarine.
19.EXT. Submarine
POV of Kid-
We see a Harpoon Gun on the side of the submarine, focal shift.
20.EXT. Submarine
Long Shot-
The Kid swims up towards the submarine and removes the harpoon gun from its hooks.
As he does so there is a roar and the Submarine is rammed by the Eel.
21.EXT. Submarine
Low angle Dutch shot-
The Kid and the is knocked by the submarine and drops the harpoon gun.
The Harpoon gun falls past the camera as the kid is knocked out of frame. The Submarine rolls slightly and recovers its balance.
22.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot slightly angled down-
The penguin looks on, scared,
23.EXT. Ocean
POV of penguin-
focus shift on to the falling harpoon gun.
24.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot at character height-
The penguin goes from scared to focussed and bolts after the harpoon gun, out of frame.
25.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot-
The Kid gathers himself and looks around he is now away from his submarine and cannot see the penguin, light is much darker as he has cascaded deeper.
26.INT. Helmet
Extreme Close up-
Inside the Kids helmet, profile, we can see the kid serious yet fearful.
(possibly rotate head to look past camera as well)
27.EXT. Ocean
Mid Shot-
The Kid realises he has a flare he pats his belt, locates it after two attempts and pulls it up.
28.EXT. Ocean
Long wide shot-
The Kid raises the flare as he lights it. Red jets of bubbles and light emit.
The Eel is darting straight at the kid and again he only just has enough time to move out of the way.
29.EXT. Ocean
stationary shot-
The Eel disappears out of frame from left to right slightly diagonal on the Z-axis.
30.EXT. Ocean
Mid/ Long shot-
The Kid looks flustered again treading water to keep his balance in the water, the penguin enters from the bottom left of the frame holding the harpoon gun in his mouth.
The kid smiles elated to see the penguin, not to mention the harpoon gun.
He takes the gun whilst the Penguin takes the Flare.
31.EXT. Ocean
Mid/ Long shot-
Prepared the two scan the water, both characters are determined but nervous. The Eel is spotted moving towards the characters the glow of the flare displays the Eel's shape.
32.EXT. Ocean
Close shot-
The Kid raises the Harpoon gun ready for the Eel, Determined and focussed.
33.EXT. Ocean
Low Angle shot- camera placed between the kid and penguin
From behind the characters we can see the Eel approaching fast.
The Eel is almost upon our characters.
34.EXT. Ocean
Extreme close up-
Finger squeezes the trigger and the harpoon is away.
35.EXT. Ocean
Mid/Long shot-
The Eel is travelling from right to left of the frame pretty much filling up the screen. With absent space on the left.
The Harpoon strikes the Eel in the face, the Eel wails.
36.EXT. Ocean
Long Shot-
The Force of the Harpoon causes the Eel to corkscrew in pain up and over our characters and then down into the Deep.
37.EXT. Ocean
Mid shot-
Our Characters breathe a sigh of relief and relax slightly the kid places one hand on the shoulder of the penguin and they both proceed to swim out of frame.
Fade to black
Fade in with a Newspaper cutting on the wall showing the kid and penguin back on the mainland with the battered submarine and a the picture that the camera took when it was dropped.
new scripts
so new ideas are floating around to solve the net issue.
1. the net is simply replaced by a big fish and the penguin is chewing on the tail of the fish attached to the submarine. the kid has caught a fish but also the unexpected penguin and as such the physical argument between the kid and penguin causes the interference of the eel.
2. the kid has a big fish on the end of the sub again but this time the kid is hunting for the eel that is out there somewhere. the kid believes he has a snag but it turns out to be the penguin. the eel is attracted and then the hunter becomes the hunted.
3. jaws style the kid and penguin are in the water and a suspense thriller ensues. the kid and penguin are hunted by the eel and majority of the film is built on tension with a mix of pov's from eel and kid resulting in an inevitable clash.
1. the net is simply replaced by a big fish and the penguin is chewing on the tail of the fish attached to the submarine. the kid has caught a fish but also the unexpected penguin and as such the physical argument between the kid and penguin causes the interference of the eel.
2. the kid has a big fish on the end of the sub again but this time the kid is hunting for the eel that is out there somewhere. the kid believes he has a snag but it turns out to be the penguin. the eel is attracted and then the hunter becomes the hunted.
3. jaws style the kid and penguin are in the water and a suspense thriller ensues. the kid and penguin are hunted by the eel and majority of the film is built on tension with a mix of pov's from eel and kid resulting in an inevitable clash.
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